Wouldn’t it be great if nurses had magical powers that allowed them to determine exactly what was wrong with a patient? How about powers that can help with the day to day grind of being a nurse? Sure, we have our stethoscopes and palpation and the normal assessment skills, but it would be so helpful to have skills that are more often seen in superheroes. Here is a list of 50 of superpowers I, as a nurse, wish I had… how many of these would you want too?
- X-ray vision to see if the patient’s lungs are filling up.
- Ultrasound in the fingertips to scan for DVTs.
- The ability to estimate the amount of urine voided in a toilet.
- Telekinesis, or the ability to move things with your mind.
- Being able to tell a heart rhythm without an EKG.
- Finding veins for starting IVs with your eyes closed and no tourniquet.
- Doorway assessment where you know immediately what’s wrong with the patient just by looking in the door.
- Automatic CBC and BMP with the touch of a hand.
- Assessment information beamed right into the brain and downloaded into the chart.
- A pedal pulse finder that beeps in your brain with every pulse.
- Two words: self-cloning.
- Super hearing that allows you to assess lungs without a stethoscope.
- The ability to look at a patient and determine how many alcoholic drinks they’ve had.
- Automatic c-spine clearances on traumas.
- The ability to access the computer system with your mind.
- Always knowing what an EKG is indicating without asking.
- Accurately measuring pitting edema without pressing on the skin.
- Laser measuring skin ulcers using only your eyes.
- Instant knowledge of a patient’s blood sugar levels.
- The ability to make every IV pump stop beeping.
- Taking a pill for food instead of trying to eat lunch.
- Mechanical abilities that allow you to fix every piece of equipment on the floor.
- The ability to always get an 18 gauge IV into the AC like radiology wants.
- Instant PICC lines.
- Instant foley insertion.
- The ability to get a blood or wound culture with no contamination every time.
- Creating a sterile field by waving your hands over the patient.
- Never having to use the restroom while on shift.
- Hovering all patients in the middle of a fall.
- Talking to a patient with dementia and making them understand.
- Superhuman strength for those heavy patients.
- Instantly healing children and sending them home.
- Scrubs that don’t get dirty.
- An automatic vomit avoidance system.
- All maintenance fluids replace themselves.
- All you have to do is think your charting instead of typing it.
- The ability to do compressions for as long as you need to without getting tired.
- Easy intubation, every single time.
- Transporting medications from the pharmacy to the floor like they do in Star Trek.
- The power to make every doctor kind.
[Tweet “Always finding an empty chair at the nurse’s station.”]
- Always finding an empty chair at the nurse’s station.
- Writing your own orders with instantaneous doctor approval.
- Always having an alcohol pad, flush or scissors when you need them.
- The ability to see through walls and know what your patient is doing.
- Immunity to MRSA and C-diff.
- Your favorite music piped into your head for relaxation.
- Perfect shoes that don’t make your feet hurt – ever!
- Mind control to get your manager to give you more staffing.
- Instant completion of new patient admission paperwork.
- Unshakable calm for those times when you are overwhelmed.
What superpowers do you wish you had?
Lynda is a registered nurse with three years experience on a busy surgical floor in a city hospital. She graduated with an Associates degree in Nursing from Mercyhurst College Northeast in 2007 and lives in Erie, Pennsylvania in the United States. In her work, she took care of patients post operatively from open heart surgery, immediately post-operatively from gastric bypass, gastric banding surgery and post abdominal surgery. She also dealt with patient populations that experienced active chest pain, congestive heart failure, end stage renal disease, uncontrolled diabetes and a variety of other chronic, mental and surgical conditions. Her Website.